Purgatory

by Kristen Tivey

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1.
Purgatory 05:53
i'm red rocks and white water my father's only daughter i've been to church and i've been to jail both walls were white sanctuary and cell and is one heaven if the other's hell am i permanently in purgatory and if so, how can i tell now i'm living in gay paris and there's a lot of nice people and a lot of nice things to see what about those two men who i watch fall asleep on my street with their hands on empty bottles of whisky are we in heaven, are we in hell are we permanently in purgatory and if so, how can we tell she's a fountain spilling over extravagant show-goer hanging out with trains blowing cigarette smoke trying hard not to choke, you're a joke, you're a joke, you're a joke. sorry boy but you've been had, she's a scab, she's a scab, she's a scab and the more attention you pay to the irritation the more she's bound to come back and she is heaven and she is hell and i'm permanently in purgatory and she is, she's how i tell
2.
i am on the front porch, i hear through the screen door you talking to somebody i don't care for and yes i will admit i started drinking a bit early i'm surprised to find it's only 8:30 but i'm watching the sun go down thinking about how i'll miss you when you're not around i'm watching the sun go down thinking about how i'll miss you when you're not around won't you drive through georgia the next springtime i'm there oh i'll be the one in the rocking chair climb on up the steps, turn around and take a seat oh how i love the silence of you next to me as we listen to the night time sounds and i think about how i miss you when you're not around as we listen to the night time sounds and i think about how i miss you when you're not around and it just seems a bit too much to ask you to stay and i don't know what it is that makes me feel that way but whenever you're gone i get a slow sinking sensation it's the start of fall, it's the end of vacation so tell me what can i do now when i can't help but miss you when you're not around so tell me what can i do now when i can't help but miss you when you're not around oh must i be content with this oh must i be content with this oh must i be content with this oh must i be content with this i have left these feelings unsaid for far too long and no one knows i have reason to write this song but whenever you're gone i get a slow sinking sensation it's the start of fall, it's the end of vacation so tell me what can i do now when i can't help but miss you when you're not around so tell me what can i do now when i can't help but miss you when you're not around when i can't help but miss you when i can't help but miss you when i can't help but miss you when you're not around
3.
Underground 01:03
i dug a hole and turned it upside down sat around as the darkness fell out i thought i would be safer underground thought i would be safer underground but in the dark flew seven fireflies and they formed your face, your mouth, your nose, your eyes and it made me feel so lonely that i cried made me feel so lonely that i cried i cried so much i cried myself a sea floated out of that hole and i was free and of all things it floated you right back to me floated you right back to me
4.
Only Friend 02:22
moved to the city thought i was on my own that's 'cause i never ever left my home tried to throw a party i thought nobody would come that's 'cause i wouldn't invite anyone i've got it stuck inside my stupid head that i'm my only friend i've got it stuck inside my stupid head that i'm my only friend i don't go out i just stay in talking to myself again you ask me what i've done with my day i tell you i slept it away i've got it stuck inside my stupid head that i'm my only friend i've got it stuck inside my stupid head that i'm my only friend none of this is true i'm just fooling myself pretending i dont want anyone's help gotta go outside see what i'll find got to get these thoughts out of my mind i've got a billion buddies i've got a trillion pals i've got a couple Betty's, i've got a couple Al's and they all put up with my self-pitying ways i hope they never have to hear me say i've got it stuck inside my stupid head that i'm my only friend i've got it stuck inside my stupid head that i'm my only friend i've got it stuck inside my stupid head that i'm my only friend i've got it stuck inside my stupid head that i'm my only friend
5.
what does it matter, i said to my lover if i should seek out help or go undercover i'm only one woman and what does it matter, i said to my love do you think i'm tough 'cause i can drink more than you do you think i'm wrong 'cause i don't want to do you think it's rough to break out the moonshine at half past noon what does it matter, says the sun to the moon what does it matter, my love says to me if we should live or if we should cease life's just a fantasy and what does it matter, my love says to me what does it matter, says the moon to the sun if i should light up the night for anyone i'm only one woman and what does it matter, says the moon to the sun what does it matter, said the moon to the sun
6.
Sincere 05:03
baby i've been here before i know what a bouquet of flowers is for this is the part where i take you back but my shell it never cracked some girls are made of sugar, spice, and everything nice, everything nice they're also made of stone and ice and won't think twice they won't think twice but don't they sound sincere when the only thing you hear is their voice sweet and clear that's where the trouble starts dear it wasn't love it was something else when you told me how you felt i'll admit i handled it wrong but not every part of my life's in song and now i'm finding more and more things about me you'd ignore how am i supposed to let down my walls when you refuse to see my faults I know i sound sincere when the only thing you choose to hear is my voice sweet and clear that's where the trouble started dear now i'm dragging you around it feels like part of me is tied down i guess it's best i got it through my head some things are better left unsaid i hope i sound sincere now the only thing you hear is my voice sweet and clear i never meant to hurt you dear
7.
i am a hermit, selfish in my shell shellfish with my armor but you disarm me so well and i've gathered up my things swept the dust from out my little home and as i clean i sing it echoes round, i notice i'm alone alone in here it gets messy and you can't see inside and while talking with you i often wonder what mess do you hide but you told me that you're cleaning too rearranging sand grains that soothe and irritate that come from being between sea and land land so take me by the claw and don't pinch too tight and when you're ready let me in inside inside i'm coming out of my shell translucent and ugly as hell with all my organs on display but you, you'll do the same you're unarmored i'm enamored i was a hermit, selfish in my shell shellfish with my armor but you disarmed me so well and now we look together for bigger better homes and the grains still soothe and irritate but now at least we know we're not alone alone so take me by the claw and don't pinch too tight and when you're ready let me in inside inside
8.
Heart Beat 03:48
if i could hear your heart beat from here if i could feel its rhythm in my ear well, it would calm me down it would calm me down calm me down yeah it would calm me down it would calm me down calm me down if i could see myself through your eyes i'd know i could do it and wouldn't think twice and i would figure it out i would figure it out figure it out yeah i would figure it out i would figure it out figure it out if i could hold myself the way you hold me i would never go to bed lonely and i would sleep sound i would sleep sound sleep sound yeah i would sleep sound i would sleep sound sleep sound i can't hear your heart beat from here but i remember its rhythm in my ear and it calms me down it calms me down calms me down yeah it calms me down it calms me down calms me down

credits

released November 23, 2019

recorded/mixed/mastered by matthew soares

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Kristen Tivey New York, New York

Kristen Tivey is a singer-songwriter from Cape Cod, Massachusetts. She lives in Brooklyn now.

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